


three failed escape attempts of jeremy heere

by orphan_account



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz (Broadway Cast)
Genre: Jeremy Heere Played By Will Roland, M/M, STAN LOVE IN HATE NATION, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Trigger Warnings!, basically I’ve never self harmed, heavily implied will roland jeremy, i have never had first hand experience with these topics, i was having a bad day so I took it out on jeremy, jeremy suffered guys, luna is a good cat, or attempted suicide, self-harm mention, so if I got things wrong I’m sorry!, someone save the boy, stop being mean to jeremy in general!, stop being mean to wrol jeremy, this is a vent fic I ain’t gonna lie, yes it’s luna like in sailor moon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:54:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22726471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Freedom, I lived to tell and rehear,Of the three failed escape attempts of Jeremy Heere.
Relationships: Jake Dillinger/Jeremy Heere
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	three failed escape attempts of jeremy heere

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS!
> 
> Self-Harm, Self-Harm scars, weed, and Suicide. PLEASE do not read if you are sensitive to these things!

“First time I tried it, it was late at night.”

Eighth grade. Saturday night.

Jeremy’s dad was downstairs in his room, asleep already. Micheal was at his Lolo’s house for the weekend, while his moms were in Massachusetts for his Ina’s work. That left Jeremy alone for the night. This usually tended to happen a lot.

Which left Jeremy alone with his thoughts.

As he played over countless rounds of Splatoon, trying his hardest to ignore the gaping, anxiety induced thoughts racing through his head. Not even video games could distract him.

His dad is never there for him. The divorce was almost two years ago. He rarely ever hears from his mom. Jeremy had to learn how to take care of himself, it was a rare chance to see his dad even get out of bed. He learned how to make dinner for himself, to take care of Luna, hell, Jeremy had to bike to the grocery store for food.

His dad never cares about him. Who would?

Jeremy likes Michael. If it wasn’t for him, Jeremy would be navigating school on his own. But Michael tended to make him feel down. Michael looks at life with a clear mind, not letting people get the best of him. He rarely ever gets picked on at school, and always puts his problems on the back burner. This advice never helps Jeremy. Jeremy hates the way he is, and despite Michael always saying “Forget about it, dude!” He could never forget about it. 

Kids are mean. Especially middle school kids. Sure, Jeremy is almost at high school, but he was still in middle school. They find every tiny detail about Jeremy, and make fun of him for it. Things he can’t control. It’s always his stutter, or his overbite, or his larger than usual nose, or how his eyes were different colors, or how he was a bit more overweight than others. Snide remarks in hallways, dumb chants, taking his clothes during P.E, or being slammed into lockers.

No one cared.

No one cares.

No one will ever care.

Michael doesn’t help. He just struts through the day, and hits Jeremy with his trademark “Forget about it!” His dad sure as hell won’t help. Last time he had a full conversation with his dad was in sixth grade.

He just feels so… inconsequential. He’s felt that ever since Mom left, which was around sixth grade. So, the beginning of middle school. The gibberish of inklings and whacking other kids in the face with his roller was not helping. Nothing could help.   
He caved.

Jeremy dropped his remote, leaving the game unattended. He doesn’t give two shits if he disconnects and is logged out for five minutes. He left his bedroom, and tripped, not being able to see because of his tears.

He stumbled into the bathroom.

He opened the case for the new razors.

He broke one of them.

He grabbed the blade.

He deserved this.

Michael doesn’t care. He tries to think of all the times Michael told him to forget about all his problems. Over 20 times, he thinks. 

He doesn’t process what's happening. His brain is just focusing on every bad thought ever. Every time his dad never cared about him. Every time Michael just gave him some half assed cheer-up that never worked, and left him worse than before. Every time some kid has made fun of him.

The razor had blood on it.

Jeremy stared blankly at his arms.

There was scratching at the door.

Jeremy snapped his head towards the sound, realizing something. Another one of his duties that his dad had left him to deal with.

Luna pushed open the door with her head, softly meowing as she walked toward Jeremy. It was around Midnight, and Luna always wanted a midnight snack.

“Heya, Lun.” He said, his voice barely above a whisper. He shakily reached for the gauze, and wrapped it around his forearm. He shakily got to the ground, and picked up Luna to carry her downstairs.

“You always catch me during my bad times. Sorry you saw that.” He chuckled. He always talked to Luna as if she was a normal person. If no one else listens to him, at least she does.

He thought this would be a one-time thing, knowing how unhealthy this is.

It wasn’t.

“Second time I tried it, was another day.”

Freshman Year. Spring Break.

High School was worse. So much worse.

The bullying got worse, his dad’s depression got worse, and Michael’s ‘advice’ got worse. Being a puny freshman means he’s open for even more teasing from people he doesn’t even know. And his.. Coping mechanism, if you could even call it that, was getting bad.

Jeremy was over at Michael’s house, currently having Michael kick his ass in Mario Kart. Michael’s room is basically just the basement, but something smelt different. He couldn’t tell what it is, but it oddly smelled, familiar.

“Hey, Michael, what’s up with the smell?”

Michael still looked at the screen, fingers flying on his controller. “Oh, that’s my stache.”

“Of what?”

Michael finally looked away from the screen, his fingers still going to town. “My stache of Cheez-its. No, dumbass, that’s my weed.”

“You smoke weed?”

“Sometimes. Helps me forget. It’s nice.”

Of course. Michael never likes to dwell on his problems.

“What, you wanna try it? I don’t care.”

Jeremy thought about it. He surely didn’t want to become a druggie, and didn’t know what weed does to you. Plus, he loves Michael, but he doesn’t know if it's safe.

On the other hand, it would be nice to forget his problems.

He shrugged. Michael took that as a yes. He stood up, walking over to a corner of the room that was basically a mountain of old comics and his beanbags. He pulled out a tiny little Ziploc bag that had some green stuff in it. He pulled some out and placed it on this brown looking paper, rolling it tight. After that, he grabbed a nearby lighter, and lit it up.

Michael plopped back down onto his couch, extending the joint to Jeremy. “Want a hit?”

Jeremy looked at the joint being offered to him, and shakily reached toward it. He brought it to his lips, and quickly realized something. He doesn’t know what to do.

Michael let out a breathy laugh. “Dude, you just… Inhale.” Jeremy felt like the vine of the kid with the bong, spraying water everywhere.

So he took a hit.

And another.

Soon his mind felt like T.V. static. He hazily tried to play the game in front of him, but the game tended to blend into real life.

It was… nice. For once, he wasn’t thinking about how sucky his life is. How it seemed that the whole world was against him. How he always felt the crippling loneliness that came from being him. For once, he could feel peace.

He walked home, coming down from his high. His mind was still hazy, but he was fine for the walk home. He looked up, and noticed the stars above him. He felt calm, for once ever since middle school.

He tended to get high with Michael almost twice every month.

“Last time I tried it, was a different affair.”

Summer before Junior Year. Noon.

His life had hit a low. No matter what attempt he tried, everything seemed to get worse in Jeremy’s mind. His dad was lucky to leave his bedroom, and Michael slowly became a stoner, frequently showing up to school with hooded, hazy eyes. Which meant that his “advice” got even worse.

New bullies showed up, and even though he wasn’t a puny freshman anymore, he was still subjected to being shoved into lockers and cruel, snide remarks. Even worse, is he had a crush on a girl who was totally out of his league.

Christine seemed to navigate through school with her head up high, not letting people get in her way. She always stayed her weird, unabashed self, and it seemed like no one could ever bring her down.

God, how Jeremy wished he could do the same.

No one paid attention to him, and when they did, it was to tease. His dad hasn’t seen him in two weeks, and Michael is usually too stoned to notice.

No one noticed.

No one cared.

He didn’t belong here.

Michael always kept telling him to wait, to stick it out, to try and see if it gets better. But it never did. It never will. Hell, kids would tell him to kill himself in the hallways. No one would ever care if he’s gone.

Michael would smoke more to forget. His dad would never leave his bed. He could leave Luna with his mom. The kids at school would just shrug and get on with their lives.

Get on with their lives.

Forget about him.

Jeremy groggily got out of bed, and grabbed three pieces of paper. He quickly scribbled out some words to his mom, dad, and Michael. He shoved the notes into his pocket, to be discovered later.

“Am I doing this?” He whispered out loud to himself, staring at his desk chair.

No one would walk in on him. Michael was on vacation with his moms. His dad was passed out in his bed.

No one would stop him.

He grabbed his desk chair.

He quickly stripped his bed, grabbing his bedsheets. It’s no rope, but it’ll do the job. He quickly tied them into what looked like a lasso. The end without the loop was quickly tied to his ceiling fan.

The loop went around his neck.

He took a step off of the desk chair.

The sheets tightened around him, especially around his neck. He tried to gasp in a breath, but it didn’t work.

He felt his body grow weaker with each passing minute. This is what he wanted, right? No one was going to miss him. People were gonna forget about him in a week, at maximum.

He was doing everyone a favor, right?

His arms grew limp, his face grew pale, his movements grew slower.

The fan broke.

Jeremy went pummeling to the ground, landing on his face. He quickly gasped, instinctively taking a deep breath.

He stared at the broken fan in front of him.

He stared at the loose bedsheets, one limply tied around his neck.

His mind was blank. He couldn’t process a coherent thought. 

He thought he was doing the universe a favor. Wasn’t he only weighing down people’s lives? He can’t recall the last time he had a genuine “good day”, and he felt like dead weight to everyone.

Just like that one night in eighth grade, Luna pushed her head through the door. She quickly walked up to Jeremy, settling in his lap with a little “prrbt?”

That’s when it hit Jeremy. He may still be depressed, and still believes that people don’t care in life, but he still has to make sure Luna is okay. He’s still here, even if it’s for his cat.

That’s what kept him going, up until the Squipcident.

“So I guess this is where I’m supposed to be.”

Senior Year, Morning.

Jeremy blinked awake, being woken up due to his alarm clock. He rolled out of bed, and quickly walked downstairs to the kitchen.

There his dad stood, hunched in front of the Keurig. He seemed to brighten up a little bit when Jeremy walked in. “Morning. I got some coffee brewing if you need it.”

Jeremy shook his head, and reached for a breakfast bar. “I’m good right now, thanks.” He grabbed the cat food from under the sink, and filled Luna’s bowl, who instantly came running the second she heard the food hit the bowl.

Mr Heere nodded. “Jake coming to pick you up?”

“Yeah. I have a key with me, just in case.”

“I might be going into the office today.”

Jeremy seemed to brighten up at that. His dad hasn’t gone to work since the divorce. He’s still not perfect, but it’s good to know his dad is getting a bit better. 

“That’s great!” He responded.

Mr Heere again nodded at his son. “I might pick up some food for us two. Call me if Jake stays over.”

“I will!” Jeremy responded, retreating back upstairs to get ready.

Jeremy decided to go for the classic ‘Jeremy Heere Senior Year’, as Jake has coined it. A graphic T-shirt, tucked into some jeans, paired with a belt. Sometimes a cardigan, sometimes not. Today, the shirt had the Animal Crossing logo on it.

It was a no cardigan day, it was too hot for one. Jeremy has gotten a little bit better with having his scars showing. It was still difficult, but he’s learning to accept his body.

His phone vibrated, displaying a text message from Jake. The message explained how he was waiting outside.

Jeremy quickly threw on his Hello Kitty shoes, grabbed his messenger bag, and ran out the door.

Jeremy’s life had been rough, to say the least. Dealing with divorce, hurtful peers, and anxiety took a toll on the boy, not to mention the Squip, on top of all that. Jeremy never wanted to believe the old story, that “it’ll get better with time!” junk. 

But when he walked past his dad getting ready for work, wore the clothes he actually liked, and exited the house, to see his boyfriend waiting for him in his car with this big, dopey grin on his face, he started to believe.

He lived to tell the tale.


End file.
